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by Jay - August 15, 2008, 5:13 am

I am big fan of effective communication and argument. Speech patterns, word choice,haptics, proxemics, and kinesics are all important in winning people over. Here's someone's surefire tactics for winning an argument.

HOW TO ARGUE EFFECTIVELY
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
DRINK LIQUOR
Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture.
People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
MAKE THINGS UP
Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead:
"The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures.
If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say:
"This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
USE MEANINGLESS BUT WEIGHTY-SOUNDING WORDS AND PHRASES
Memorize this list:
Let me put it this way
In terms of
Vis-�-vis
Per se
As it were
Qua
So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."
Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say,"Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money."
You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say:
"Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-�-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D." Only a fool would challenge that statement.
USE SNAPPY AND IRRELEVANT COMEBACKS
You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
You're begging the question.
You're being defensive.
Don't compare apples to oranges.
What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means.
Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.

So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.

*Thanks to whoever wrote this up. It is genius! You have the world slightly better.

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Just cleaned my computer and I just had a Nerdgasm.

by Richard - May 10, 2008, 11:52 am

Just opened up my laptop and cleaned out all the dust in it. It was ridiculous how much dust had collected in there over the past 4 years. Yes, I haven't once cleaned my laptop out, but what can I say, I'm lazy. I pulled out a baseball sized amount of dust bunnies from inside. It was kind of cool.

Ohhhh! But after cleaning it out, my computer is running smoother(that's kind of a funny sounding word isn't it?) and it's just awesome! I kind of fallling back in love with my computer again. I guess it's like when married couples spice things up one night after years of monotony.

Call me a nerd, but who needs porn when you've got a clean computer.

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Any recommendations for where I should throw my computer off of?

by Jeff - April 24, 2008, 4:19 pm

When I get a new job and I have enough cash to buy a new computer, I am going to hurl my piece of shit HP laptop out my window. Literally. HP doesn't stand for Hewlett-Packard, it stands for How Pathetic. This POS freezes all the time, overheats even after I've cleaned the fans and ducts, can't run a YouTube video without stopping every 4 seconds, and the speakers make a crackling sound whenever there's more than 2 windows open. Thank you and that is all. Give me some recommendations for where I can throw this hunk of junk out.

Computer Specs.

40gb HD (22 used)
1 gb RAM
2.8 P4
ATI 9000 Graphics card
Piece of shit everythng else

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The Happy Medium in Life

by Richard - April 14, 2008, 9:50 am

We live in a world where the "happy medium" rules. You drink too much, you puke. You drink too little, you don't have fun. You observe the rules of religion too strictly and you end up rejecting the very people God says to respect. You hate religion too much and you begin decrying people who merely hold a faith.

Look at bodybuilders. That is a great example of excess in our modern world. Most boys start off working out to be stronger and to look better for girls. But when that passion turns into an obsession, you get grotesque, not statuesque, slabs of meat that most sane women would not touch with a 10 foot pole fixed with a condom.

I've always found it funny and hypocritical that we condemn people for being indecisive, middle-of-the-road, flip-floppers but when it comes to true issues in life, it seems as if the middle of the road does the least damage. Who's ever heard of a terrorist attack from an apathetic terrorist? Zealots to a cause instigate trouble.

But of course with any subjective measure, the variability is wide and often unknown. And with this wide variability and the underlying nature of man, how are people expected to get along. How do you tell someone who is too smart to stop being smart? How do you tell someone who loves to joke around to stop goofing around? And how does one who has a passion for something quell the fire down? Is it possible? Is it right? How many more questions can I ask in this series to escalate tension?

However it's possible my statement about the "happy medium" was wrong. That viewpoint could be too localized to issues that are already too divisive. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, having that extreme passion can be beneficial. Our great musicians, scientists, businessfolks(see, I'm not totally misogynistic). All crafted out of passion. Heck even our greatest romantic comedies or as Brian Brett coined, Rom-Com's, show the triumphs of great love conquering all. It seems that we need these zealots to guide the sheep in the flock to higher ground. But maybe I'm just back in the middle-of-the-road fighting for the Happy Medium.

INQdrop.com

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

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Field Study

by Shoes - March 25, 2008, 1:31 am

I am currently doing a field study on openers for picking up chicks. Apparently, there is an entire society of people who do this called the PUA (Pick Up Artists).

With only a finite amount of time, I can't try all these by myself so tell me if these work for you:

1. Hey, don't I know you from somewhere? I can almost swear you were one of my students when I worked as a fat camp instructor.... and it looks like I'll see you there again pretty soon.

2. Do You know how to program? (I already tried this one. serious. it didn't work)

3. Hi, I couldn't help but notice how hot you are relative to your fugly friend over here.

4. You got a little piece of pizza.... oh, oops, sorry thats just acne.

5. Damn your face is fucked up! Did you get in a fight today?

6. Nice Shirt. Wanna Fuck?

7. Wanna Fuck? Nice Shirt. (subtle difference. starts off as giving the nice guy impression, THEN going for it. The second begins as a badass but THEN shows your soft side.)

8. Did you know that male semen is good for your skin tone? maintains hormonal balance and shit.

9. ValkerieGrl89?! Is that YOU? Its me, Mystik1987... I mean technically my son is Mystik1987, I just play on his account from time to time.

10. ...So by formulating a PDE for the infinite series of Bessel functions, I was able to get a numerical approximation of some interesting wavelets which have key applications in Ergodic theory... ( I saw this one being used at a cafe not too long ago. I don't think it worked)

11. I write for INQdrop.com

12. And I'm not Richard Kil (this one works wonders)

feel free add some more to this list. and don't forget to report your findings when you test these.

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