When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.
Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.
Recognize the small things; they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them.
If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words 'f*ck you,' and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.
Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.
Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.
Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?
Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like basketball.
Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No, she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.
Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
Give her one of your t-shirts… and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.
If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

*Found this on my friend's MySpace page. Good stuff, eh?

I am very much annoyed by people around me because almost all of my close friends pointed out that I have a lot of negative energies.  I didn't grasp the meaning of it until they gave me examples and situations where I could've said something positive but negative words came out. 

I am still bothered by the notion that they think I am a negative person.  I admit that I sometimes lack of self-esteem, but I am optimistic. Well, I guess I am not writing this article to teach others a lesson on how to think positively because I don't even know how.  I've read books about PMA (Positive Mental Attitude) but I felt like if I had to accommodate others by modifying my opinions to make them sound "positive", then those opinions wouldn't belong to me, right? 

Alright, let me give an example.  Earlier, I was chatting with my sister, who was very much annoyed by my presence.  I looked at her and commented that her face is a bit oily and she didn't trim her eyebrows well.  She immediately said, "I am blocking your negative energy... "  Was I being negative?? 

Confused!!! 

Guys, beware!!! Women ARE capable of everything!!!! 

Woman jailed for testicle attack 

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison. 
Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard. 

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours." 

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years. 

'Pulled hard' 

Sentencing Monti, Judge Charles James said it was "a very serious injury" and that Monti was not acting in self-defence. 

The court heard that Mr Jones had ended his long-term but "open relationship" with Monti towards the end of May last year. 

The pair remained on good terms and on 30 May she picked him up from a party in Crosby and went back for drinks with friends at Mr Jones's house. 

An argument ensued and Mr Jones said there was a struggle between them. 

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard". 

I am in no way a violent person 
Amanda Monti 

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain." 

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. 

She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ. 

In a letter to the court, Monti said she was sorry for what she had done. 

She said: "It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person." 

The letter added: "I have challenged myself to explain what has happened but still I just cannot remember. This has caused much anguish to me and will do for the rest of my life." 

I just saw a lady drop her undergarments and pee in front of a church. It was gross. She did this while several students walked by. I don't mind if you crouch behind a bush or Toyota Sienna, but the lady's non-chalance was gross. Excuse me while I go sanitize my eyeballs.